Here's Looking At The Bright Side

I have a lot to be thankful for because it surely cannot get any worse….

1. I bumped into Arrrrggghh over the weekend. It was inevitable but twice in one day? Yes, twice. First time he didn’t see me so I didn’t bother – I broke into a cold sweat and furiously walked on. Second time, being two hours or so later (how do you manage not to bump into someone for over three months and then when you finally do it happens twice in one day??), there was no escaping. I restrained myself from wringing his neck (to begin with...) and so I passed the opportunity to lodge at Kamiti Maximum Prison.

Thankfully, he got out of his car to hug me and was met with an outstretched hand and cordial smile. He probably expected a war cry and a panga so Ichiena working 3Ps - prim, proper and pleasant was a triumph. Small triumph I know but still - triumph.

2. I got new clad. I washed them. One of them had other ideas and decided to copulate/share. So, viola – all my new clad is now tie and dye. In pink angry splotches.

Thankfully I needed new floor rugs.

3. I got up on Monday morning and for a moment I mistakenly believe that I must be dreaming – what’s that sloshing wavelike sound I hear? Why’s the carpet a darker shade than usual? Why does the floor feel wet? My sis left the kitchen tap on (remind me again why I should not throw her out?) I have wall to wall carpeting – yes. Not to forget several other area rugs. Let that sink in. And, yes, the entire house was flooded. Half an inch of water everywhere. Let me just explain what cleaning up entailed – dragging out all earthly belongings and then a dripping impossibly heavy wall-to-wall aint no joke. Underneath it is pvc which was at that time afloat. And underneath that is red oxide floor that has been soaked. Everything water splashed on turned blood red in an instant. I had to call in late at the office meaning more work pileup when I finally got in. My back hurt, my hands hurt, everything hurt. Oh, and this is the time the siblings chose to believe it's my house - I deal with it. They all suddenly had things to do like work/school/rave/taking the dog for a walk/flight to the moon....

Thankfully, the house was due for a thorough cleaning. Thankfully, there’s no stench. Thankfully the kombamwikos have moved out in protest.

4. Got into the office at 10.30am. Worked like crazy. I kicked off by running printed copies of completion documents for a meeting scheduled for noon. Then I get the call. The client decided they wanted to go with Plan B on the transaction. So all the time put into preparing and finalising the documents for Plan A (and I did this over my weekend break), was all for naught.

Thankfully I was running out of draft paper. Thankfully I am paid by the hour.

5. Quick dash home over my lunch break to grab a bite and to make sure the house hadn’t burnt down going by my track record thus far. My phone fell into a bucket of water. It’s dead. Hence the undercover – I have no access to phone numbers. I need to have it seen by a fundi or something soonest. It’s going to cost me. I don’t know if it will work again. All my contacts are saved on the handset.

Thankfully, I have been considering getting another handset. Thankfully, I now have a perfect excuse for not returning calls, missing texts, skipping meetings, being late, forgetting birthdays, not brushing my teeth…

6. They say bad things happen in three. And so they did to me. In two sets of threes. The last straw was when another virus invaded my atmosphere. Irritated me for two long hours.

I am still thankful nevertheless. Thankful that at number 6, the bad streak must now be over. Thankful that, despite the thao horrors of surfing, I still come across gems like the one below to make me smile.

A young woman, several months pregnant, boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: "When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She first sat under an advertisement, which read:

'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement, which read:

'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:

'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.' "

The case was dismissed.