SS....

Useless Trivia: Just I was doing this post, I realised the initials SS apply in English (Seven Secrets) and Swahili (Siri Saba). Nice, hey?

A character and another character decided to tag me and have given me restless nights ever since. Yaani, my blog is about my life, drama in my life, me, me and more me (I am shameless). So what more could I possibly share that I already haven't in the past? So, here's some stuff that I have probably already shared before but don't remember...they will just have to do.

1. I have lived in all the major towns in Kenya. Was born in Nairobi, have stayed in Embu, Nakuru, Kisii, Kisumu, Mombasa (both Mombasa Mainland and the Island), back to Nairobi, Ngong (which I hear is in Kajiado) and now back to Nairobi. At some point (during the angry teens) I figured my parents were crooks running away from the law, LOL! So when I hear people talking of having lived in the same home since childhood and having childhood pals, I don't get it. Because of this, my closest pals go back to campus days. Before that, I was flitting through life.

2. I am kidogo obsessive. I can get strange obsessions like a period in my life where i used to count steps. Yep. I had this warped mentality that my legs should deal with steps equally so if I take a flight of eight steps, 4 must be taken with one leg, 4 with the other. If they are an odd number, then I will take three with one leg and next time I use them, I will take 3 with the other leg. I was pretty mad. But that passed.

3. I have never flown and I don't know how to drive. I am old. Trust me, it still shocks even me that I have not bothered to learn. I did go through the phase some time back and did kidogo steering but then I stopped. I don't remember why. I guess it's because I don't really need it right now since I am a walking Kenyan and I remain comfortable that way.

4. I am shortsighted. I used to wear glasses but one day I just put them down and never put them on again. I can be stubborn like that. So now I squint when looking at my toes and I easily pass people on the street because I cannot see them although I must admit I have also used this to my advantage by passing those that I DO know. A character is determined to get me wearing specs again, we will see how this goes.

5. I like challenges but I easily get bored once it's done. The harder it is the better, and if I have to teach myself (my F1 key is the most worn out) even better. Hence the Rubiks Cube, 1000 plus puzzles, Programming (started blogging because of HTML), playing a flute, Sewing, Crossword, Sudoku and Salsa phase. Currently I am in a Swimming phase.

6. I think my name is P. Ichiena i.e. Procrastination Ichiena. I am a procrastinator of the worst kind. I can wait until the very very very very very last moment to do this (like this post...I know if I don't do it now, it's gonna wait till next Monday so here I am!). I still wonder how I managed to get by in school - I used to start reading for exams in the last week!

7. I have never been in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

Phew - I am done. This turned out to be rather hard. I want to share yet I am not sure what is sharing too much, or what is being vague. I had to sweat - oops...er...- perspire (:-)) this one out. And the hardest part, who to tag since the regulars all seem to have been tagged. Think I'll go with the hibernators: Wanja, Couch Potato, Don Q and Sis Big bones.

So, now back to business. Kampala here I cooooome.....here's to a safe, fruitful and fun trip. Packing's all done - camera, check; discman (ipod? nini hiyo?), check; CDs, check; passport, check....cheers. Hope to get back within the week, so until then:

Welcome to the family?
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

If only they knew that I kept a box of condoms in my car....

Scam Warning: Man to men
Many of you shop at Nakumatt and you need to be aware of a scam being perpetrated at various Nakumatt sites. I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Nakumatt at the Junction and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Nakumatt . You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over onto the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, and also today. They also plot to rob me again tomorrow.

Pink Dress
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.

She did. And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now. Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla, slammed the door shut and said;

“Now tell him you have a headache."

And in view of this being an election year, I thought this was rather apt. Don't you?