Monday, September 24, 2007

Confused

Thoughts flying through my head. All over. Not making any sense. Thinking this, thinking that, thinking neither.
 
I want to trust you.
I want to trust you so bad. But then, how do I trust? Are you showing me who you really are? Am I expecting too much from you? Are you right in saying you shouldn't have to cultivate my trust. Should I know whether or not I trust you - how does someone know? Why is it that I trust T without having to think about it. Why cant I take you for who you are? Can I live with that or will it eat me alive?
 
I love your sense of humour.
Yes I do - though your timing is sometimes questionable. I love the way you smile. I like that you smile because of something I say. I like that you like my smile. I like that you think I'm attractive. I like you. I think that I am scared to delve deeper because I might like you even more. I think I want to like you more.
 
You infuriate me.
You have the ability of driving me nuts to the point of distraction. There are days I could strangle you - literally - given the chance. There are days I swear never to talk to you, discuss you or think about you - ever. But you also have the ability of bringing out my forgiving and forgetting side. I let you off real easy, you know I do. In you I have discovered I can be extremely patient.
 
You consume me.
I long for you when you are not around. I yearn to be with you, to do things with you, to do things to you. Then when you are finally here I get all shy and gawky. I lack the words to say what I feel. I feel unable to express myself physically. Something holds me back. Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear of inadequacy? Am I too comfortable where I am? I am outgrowing my comfort zone. I have worn it like a cloak for so long, I think I have forgotten how to get out of it. Am I really ready to step out finally - throw caution to the wind, let go and let you lead me where you want us to go. If I jump will you jump with me; will you wait while I catch my breath?
 
You inspire me.
You make me see me in a different light. In a better light. You inspire me to better myself. You inspire me to have confidence in myself. You inspire me to take actions that I otherwise wouldn't have. Could you actually be good for me?
 
Thoughts flying through my head. All over. Not making any sense. Thinking this, thinking that, thinking neither.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Determined...

I remain determined. Determined to learn and post a pic-blog via email now that I appear doomed to internet-less days. So here goes another test blog. A pic clearly reflecting one of my madder days:

 

Loosing myself?

 
I have crossed all my appendages that this works. Because if it works, it's goodbye boring days on the job...:)
 
PS: I am up and running but the gmail and yahoo still have more issues than a female with pms. Help me soon? Unajijua. ;-)

So, Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates.  St. Peter opens them and says 'Oh it's you Luciano come on in. Squeeze through'.

Pavarotti says 'Hold on I've got an envelope for you from the Pope.'

St. Peter opens it up and reads it: 

'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

Friday, September 14, 2007

Peaceful here

Feels like it's been a bit since I was last hear. Mhmm.  
 
Today I have no defeated spirit with "I am done" bits - nope. That's the end[, of] HisStory.
 
Today I am elated. Today I am appreciated. Today I feel happy. Today I feel at peace.
 
I have a weekend ahead of me and for the first time since I don't know when, less than 24 hours away and I still have no concrete plans. Oh, I have several blissfully sublime plans of getting fitted for a bridesmaid gown (they all getting married around my ears and I had 5-must attend weddings between 1st Sep and 8th Dec - is it because I am the only unwed of the bunch still standing - haha!).
 
So, now that I have time on my hands suddenly - what do I do? The next time I might be this free again is 13th October!
 
Over and out.
:)
 

Ah, now this made my day:

 
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

 

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his "tool" covered with bright green and purple freckles. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.

 

The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

 

The man looks a little perplexed and says "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc".

 

The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your "tool".

 

The man screams in horror "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

 

The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice".

 

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".

 

The guy says to the doctor "Yeah yeah, I already know that but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my tool."

 

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. They make more money that way. No need to opelate!"

 

"Oh Thank God!" the man replies.

 

"Yes" says the Chinese doctor "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money!

 

 

Monday, September 10, 2007

Done

I am done.
 
I don't understand.....I probably never will.
 
I am done trying to understand.
 
I am done being patient.
 
I am done trying to be thoughtful.
 
Hell, I am done trying.
 
I am DONE!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

New blog celeb?

I get this email forwarded to me today. I start reading and I am thinking, "Mhmmm, sounds like something a blogger would write". I read on, smile, chuckle and laugh. Then I see Archer's and Mwangi's names and I am going, "U-huh!". So, who's the source of something titled "Funga Chips" which has characters called Sospeter and Wilkisita or something (where did you get those names from!!!). Wanted to let you know your posts are being lifted and passed on as forwards without reference to you - although at least no one's pretending to own them.....yet!! 
 
Otherwise, the boss continues to abscond. Dude should have returned on Monday but he has extended his leave for one more week. On Monday I was shocked. Yesterday I was in denial then pissed. Today I have hit acceptance and resignation.
 
Which means I continue to hold forte when I thought I'd be able to disappear sometime this week. Especially after the weekend I had last week. Yep, I somehow managed to do all the things on my to-do-list for Sato (and managed the feat of showering four times within one day - although the fourth time was at 3am so does that count? OK - four times between sleeping hours). And the wedding which I attended rocked. Made me re-think....mhmmm, might not be so bad after all - the hooking up bit that is. Still undecided on the other bits that go along with hooking up.
 
Sunday I crashed completely. Completely. No thoughts. No plans. Some tlc. And BB2. Which reminds me - so Jeff's out of the house. But does make you wonder. I don't know - see I figured it's a competition of personalities. It also has quite a tidy sum waiting for someone at the end of the 98 days. I'd figured I'd give it to someone who deserves it? Or someone who needs it most? Or someone who I figure will put it to really good use. And so far, at least in my opinion, Jeff was amongst the most likely candidates who fit this description (forget the strange exercises - did you see his face cringe when he actually saw himself). Yet he was evicted purely on the premise that he is boring. Huh??? Oh well.
 
I should just grab my bag and go home. I am in no mood to work today haki.

Here's another forward that cracked me up because it almost hit home....creeeepy.....
 
 
 
Meaning of the 1st alphabet of your name(s)
 

Does your name begin with: A

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very practical, & not very emotional. Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.


Does your name begin with: B

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.


Does your name begin with: C

You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

Does your name begin with: D

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvements, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .

 

Does your name begin with: E

Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover).


Does your name begin with: F

You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find . You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.

 

Does your name begin with: G

You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people.

 

Does your name begin with: H

You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life, fun & everything you seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvement's often as you believe that you have to look out for yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. You are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with/ a passion for life.


Does your name begin with: I

You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.


Does your name begin with: J

You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. (you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game. You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.


Does your name begin with: K

You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.


Does your name begin with: L

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

 

Does your name begin with: M

You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that Appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.


Does your name begin with: N

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.


Does your name begin with: O

You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.


Does your name begin with: P

You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang- ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.


Does your name begin with: Q

You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.


Does your name begin with: R

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best . You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.


Does your name begin with: S

For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private & sometimes very passive, turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.


Does your name begin with: T

You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights & romantic thoughts. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic and extremely mushy. You enjoy having your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You l! ike things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great things. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life!

 

Does your name begin with: U

You are enthusiastic & at your happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.

 

Does your name begin with: V

You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.


Does your name begin with: W

You are very proud, determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.


Does your name begin with: X

You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.


Does your name begin with: Y

You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However, if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic. 



Does your name begin with:  Z 

You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You feel deeply about love and tend to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going. You are willing to experiment.