Of resolutions

I finally got off my lazy rump and realised why I was scared of making resolutions this year. I have done it all before and failed miserably (clarification, I was not actually miserable, the failure was). So, this year, I am determined to succeed. What better way than making resolutions which I am sure I will succeed at!

Here goes:

1. I will not buy gifts for anyone this year, or remember holidays, birthdays, weddings, valentines and the like. In fact, like I said before - yes Mocha! I repeat - Happy New Year, Happy Valentines, Happy Birthday, Happy Easter, Good Morning X 365 days, Good Afternoon X 365 days, Good Night X 365 days, I don’t have money X 365 days, and Merry Christmas. I am done with you for 2007!
2. I will watch my weight - yes. I know I can watch mine. Grow.
3. I will try hard to figure out my boss’s patience threshold. This will be accomplished by not meeting deadlines, regular tardiness, power naps in the office, hawking eggs in the office and the like. If I get fired, almost fired, warning letters - I will know.
4. I will become a Take-Out connoisseur. Steers, Nandos here I come - no, scratch that. Come to me.
5. I will help the world by conducting a detailed and practical study on child-labour to figure our the root cause and the effects. The siblings have acquiesced, acceded, obliged and consented to be the guinea pigs.
6. I will save. No buying books, newspapers, magazines - the local vendor’s stand will suffice. Oh, and no buying phone credit so if I dont call, sms, email you know it's for a worthy cause. Alternively, I will call from the office, which should help with 3 above.
7. I will learn all the functions on the TV remote, the VCR remote, the DVD remote, the DSTV remote, the PVR remote and the ….
8. I will remember to give thanks for my friends. Particularly those who make me feel pampered, satisfied, happy, spoilt, rich and retired.
9. I will be a better friend - always there for my friends. And what better way than spending quality time together. Call me (I am saving airtime) we confirm which month of the year I will be spending at your place.
10. I intend to be social. I should be in a position to make intelligent conversations with everyone at all levels of sobreity or lack thereof. Thus, I will learn the taste, feel, texture of all alcoholic drinks known to man.
    

Really, can I fail?

^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&

Generics

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Jigging: "Twisting, jumping, squatting, shaking, "

Oooops! Caught again. Sorry - no....no! Wait. I can explain.

There IS a perfectly good explanation. I give you my word.

Look. At least let me explain, ok?

Thanks you. I'm sure it will all make sense.

Well, see the thing is...erm. I am happy. I am so happy excited elated exhilerated -I couldn't help myself. What you just saw was me expressing my joy - I had to dance (and this is no time to start pointing out ati I cannot dance!). I just got carried away.

Yes, I am sorry. I did not know I was shouting as well.

And I am indeed sorry. I may never do it in the office again.

And yes, I am sorry about the PC. I really didnt think it would break if I kicked it, after all it was all in the moment.

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People, the Holidays are upon us! I funga kazi today! (Not tomorrow, or the day after, or at 6pm, 7pm...naaaw). Today 5pm I cover that PC and I am gone for a two week break! No more ungrateful bosses! No more impossible deadlines! No more waking up at 7am! No more brain wracking sessions. No more annoying clueless clients (I'm humming No more shopping sprees). It is over and out!

So with that, er...
Happy Christmas and a Merry Year New - no, wait...
Merry Happy and New Chris - no, that's not it...
Happy Year and Christmas Merry New -arghh!
Christmas New and a Merry Happy Year -
WTF! You know what I mean...hehehe....Enjoy.

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John hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my
wife!!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "What was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside my wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "He told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come! "