Dare I?

It has been eons. Do i have the time? Can i remember how to do this? Goodness knows what has changed while i have been away ...busy living.

Dare I?

Do not wear shoes when bungee jumping and other things...

So the story that finally got me off my fat lazy bum to blogging is this:

And just because someone seems convinced I am bila boobs, here is proof:

Bungee Jumping. That is what I was up to last Saturday simply because a small kinyangarika was celebrating their birthday and was determined to face death halfway through her existence. I basically receive an invitation to go bungee jumping, without the option of saying no. So, come Sato, I started the day with a grand plan. Which is where I had it all wrong, including the one on shoes (seriously!).

1. To eat or not to eat, that is the question.
The first plan was not to eat. The idea being that if i didn't eat I would not throw up out of sheer terror, right? WRONG! The sensation of the jump is such that your faculties are too busy panicking, "What the....#$!$#!$%$%@%", by the time your puking faculties realise that they need to kick into action, you have passed out. Or are dead.
Lesson: Eat, no, hog like it's the Last Supper. It could be!

2. Sagana is only a few hours drive from Nairobi.
Not if you are relying on the only vehicle with a speed governor in Kenya. This was not just any slow vehicle - this was the slowest. The last straw was when we were almost overtaken by a donkey-cart. We resorted to threatening mass action on the driver although much good that did us. So to pass time, we worked on the popcorn we had bought at Nakumatt on Thika road (these are so fresh and yummy). Of course, my dilemma a the time was in the fact that each mile meant a step closer to...er...death. And the very thought made me wanna pee every time it occured, which was continuously.
Lesson: The road to Sagana has no "pee-bushes". Carry a pee bag, the size being dependent on what choice you made in 1 above.

So, it was with a big sigh of relief....

...and a big gulp of apprehension to see these:


3. A 60 meter jump is ok, after all Zambezi is 110 meters....
...or is it? Let me break it down, remember those annoying rulers we used to have in primary school that had 12 inches one side and 30 cms on the other side and had this annoying habit of breaking in your school bag despite you carefully storing it between two A4 books? Now, imgaine lining up - and I mean, UP literally. Think of lining up 200 of them up into the sky. That's a 60 meter jump. Nope. A 60 meter jump actually looks like this:

Lesson: That picture tells only half the story. That is only 30 meters (gulp!)

4. Bungee jumps are usually off a bridge, a cliff, maybe a desk? Easy peasy stuff.
No. At Sagana, it aint so easy as walking to the edge of the cliff and jumping off. At Sagana, they get you all trussed and girded up:

then they make you climb up....

.....and up...

....and up until you get to the cage. Yes, the CAGE of no return.

Lesson: You have no one - no one but yourself to blame for your jump. At Sagana, you prove intention and determination (misplaced as it may be) to jump before you jump.

5. I can always back out.
Not if you have just climbed up 60 meters of steel on your own. Not if climbing down will take more time than swinging down. Not if you've already paid for the jump. Not if you have only 15 minutes to make up your mind. Not after you have seen someone else jump - it looks so easy. And fun!
Lesson: Do NOT approach the jump if you do not intend to jump. Put down the harness and walk away from it.

But truth be told, I am glad I did it. I was asked to describe the sensation in one word and the only one that came to mind was, "Death". Whether that's a good or a bad thing is a story for another day. One minute I was in the cave and the next I was saying stupid stuff like, "It is now or never", "Let's get this over and done with" and then my brain clicked and I realised that I was airborne. And I discovered gravity does exist. About this time terror kicked in - I know I am jumping, I know there's a chord holding me, but I can feel the wind whistling past my ears and it is whistling past so fast, I swear there's a tune somewhere there. I get a fleeting thought on the speed an asteroid falls to earth to create enough friction to ignite because I am moving fast!


I am definitely moving fast! And it's at this point that it dawns on me that the person screaming at the top of their voice - decibels so loud that those pop idols dudes might envy me - that screamer is me! So I stop screaming and start laughing and what do I hear? Bloody #$@!%$%$% They are cheering! The ones on solid ground are cheering! I am screaming in terror and they are cheering?? But maybe this is not too bad. So I start laughing. I was beginning to enjoy it after all.

Then the first jerk. That's the worst part. The jerk.
Now, see the thing is, the bungee chord is elastic. Which means you are like a yoyo. You fall then once the chord is all stretched out, you are jerked back up and of course you have to fall again. I stopped laughing after the first jerk and started yelling again. After a couple of jerks and falls, i was getting the hang of it (all pun intended) and then got alarmed about something else....yep. Don't wear shoes when bungee jumping.

My shoe was falling off. Being tossed all over the place, managed not to throw up, managed not to pee or worse. And now my shoe was about to fall several feet down and sink 15 meters into Tana River? Now how? I was screaming now, not in fear for my life, but for my shoe! And i was mad. How dare the shoe cause a blight in my perfect jump.

So the relief I felt when I was finally reeled in was more because of saving my shoe than the end of the jump. And that's when the audacity of it all struck me. Ha!


So, who's down for Rhino Charge next?

It feels Gooooooood, tch, ah!

It truly does.

To be able to write without time limitations. Without fear of getting disconnected. Or getting an overwhelming bill.

And I am all creaky, cobweby, dusty and rusty - I dont even remember how to put in smileys in chat, secondary internet virginity? Ah, to learn all over again. It will be good times. Soon. Very soon.

And now, here's kidogo murder of the English language. Too Funny.

The Leave Applications:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

"As I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his d aughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

· Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

· Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

· Letter writing: "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

· A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a "Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female"... As I am both(!!)for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

New leaf

It's been so long. Gotten all rusty. Lost touch.

So terrible.

Hopefully though, tomorrow's a new day with new things and I am revving to go again. Keeping all my digits crossed and keeping the broom handy so that I am good and ready to sweep away the cob-webs in my crib. And soon.

Phew.....

Confused

Thoughts flying through my head. All over. Not making any sense. Thinking this, thinking that, thinking neither.

 

I want to trust you.

I want to trust you so bad. But then, how do I trust? Are you showing me who you really are? Am I expecting too much from you? Are you right in saying you shouldn't have to cultivate my trust. Should I know whether or not I trust you - how does someone know? Why is it that I trust T without having to think about it. Why cant I take you for who you are? Can I live with that or will it eat me alive?

 

I love your sense of humour.

Yes I do - though your timing is sometimes questionable. I love the way you smile. I like that you smile because of something I say. I like that you like my smile. I like that you think I'm attractive. I like you. I think that I am scared to delve deeper because I might like you even more. I think I want to like you more.

 

You infuriate me.

You have the ability of driving me nuts to the point of distraction. There are days I could strangle you - literally - given the chance. There are days I swear never to talk to you, discuss you or think about you - ever. But you also have the ability of bringing out my forgiving and forgetting side. I let you off real easy, you know I do. In you I have discovered I can be extremely patient.

 

You consume me.

I long for you when you are not around. I yearn to be with you, to do things with you, to do things to you. Then when you are finally here I get all shy and gawky. I lack the words to say what I feel. I feel unable to express myself physically. Something holds me back. Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear of inadequacy? Am I too comfortable where I am? I am outgrowing my comfort zone. I have worn it like a cloak for so long, I think I have forgotten how to get out of it. Am I really ready to step out finally - throw caution to the wind, let go and let you lead me where you want us to go. If I jump will you jump with me; will you wait while I catch my breath?

 

You inspire me.

You make me see me in a different light. In a better light. You inspire me to better myself. You inspire me to have confidence in myself. You inspire me to take actions that I otherwise wouldn't have. Could you actually be good for me?

 

Thoughts flying through my head. All over. Not making any sense. Thinking this, thinking that, thinking neither.

Determined...

I remain determined. Determined to learn and post a pic-blog via email now that I appear doomed to internet-less days. So here goes another test blog. A pic clearly reflecting one of my madder days:

Loosing myself?

 

I have crossed all my appendages that this works. Because if it works, it's goodbye boring days on the job...:)

 

PS: I am up and running but the gmail and yahoo still have more issues than a female with pms. Help me soon? Unajijua. ;-)

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So, Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates.  St. Peter opens them and says 'Oh it's you Luciano come on in. Squeeze through'.

Pavarotti says 'Hold on I've got an envelope for you from the Pope.'

St. Peter opens it up and reads it: 

'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

Peaceful here

Feels like it's been a bit since I was last hear. Mhmm.  

 

Today I have no defeated spirit with "I am done" bits - nope. That's the end[, of] HisStory.

 

Today I am elated. Today I am appreciated. Today I feel happy. Today I feel at peace.

 

I have a weekend ahead of me and for the first time since I don't know when, less than 24 hours away and I still have no concrete plans. Oh, I have several blissfully sublime plans of getting fitted for a bridesmaid gown (they all getting married around my ears and I had 5-must attend weddings between 1st Sep and 8th Dec - is it because I am the only unwed of the bunch still standing - haha!).

 

So, now that I have time on my hands suddenly - what do I do? The next time I might be this free again is 13th October!

 

Over and out.

:)

 

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Ah, now this made my day:

 
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

 

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his "tool" covered with bright green and purple freckles. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.

 

The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

 

The man looks a little perplexed and says "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc".

 

The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your "tool".

 

The man screams in horror "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

 

The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice".

 

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".

 

The guy says to the doctor "Yeah yeah, I already know that but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my tool."

 

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. They make more money that way. No need to opelate!"

 

"Oh Thank God!" the man replies.

 

"Yes" says the Chinese doctor "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money!